on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
