i dont even know how to be here
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I will pee on everything he values.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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