its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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