vagina is talking i cant
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
