Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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