On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
