Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
