bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
