Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
