i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
