no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
