I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
