at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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