I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
