The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
