yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
