I cockslap morals
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
