Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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