Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
