I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
