When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
