he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
