i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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