The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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