You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
