apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
