Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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