drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
