I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
