'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
