By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
