we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
