Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
