miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
