You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
