Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
