its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
