wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
