i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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