She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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