In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
