Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
