I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
