get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
