just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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