he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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