Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Rumble strips road head = magical
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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