im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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