dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
