I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
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I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
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My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Drunk is not a location!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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