I want to make a zoo with you.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
