Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
