I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
