Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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