It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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