is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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