$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
