you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize