The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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