that's an acceptable place to lick
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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