oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
