i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
