Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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