Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
