I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
