fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
